Its been quite some time since I’ve written anything on this blog but I really feel the need to finish off. So despite my long absence, or possibly because of it I’ve decided to actually get back into it.
So how’s my style getting on?
Well I’m glad you asked.
I gained weight. Basically I went up one to two dress sizes. I gained weight because I moved from working part time and exercising regularly to working full time at a very stressful job that I hated. So basically I was very unhappy and … well the results were unpleasant.
About a year ago I chucked that job over and got another. I like this job much better except for two of the people I work with.
There are many things that annoy me about these people but the one that’s had the most impact is that they’re both obsessed with the way they look. Clothes, body shape, hair, makeup, skin tone, body size and tone and did I mention clothes? Or more precisely labels.
Now coming from someone who writes a blog about the way you look that might sound somewhat hypocritical. And possibly it is. I do feel that the way in which they discuss things is different though. Its not about inclusiveness or exploring each others issues its about “we believe this, this is the right belief, everyone else is wrong”.
The cornerstone of their belief is that any women who gets fat is crazy insane and its her duty to starve herself until shes thin and can fit into designer clothes again.
Unfortunately I’ve been ingrained in those attitudes my whole life and when I started gaining weight it triggered feelings of shame and disgust and the inroads toward self acceptance I’d made just evaporated along with any sense of style I’d managed to develop.
Suddenly my hair grew shaggy and unkempt. I stopped trying to look good and focussed more on disappearing into the corner. My clothes no longer fit and instead of replacing them with clothes that fit and flattered I accepted my fat was hideously unsightly and bought baggy, shapeless clothes and swathed myself in items that simply made me look bigger. Basically I went right back to where I started.
So what’s changed?
Not much actually. I’m still bigger. Most of the clothes I’d managed to collect no longer fit. I’ve moved from a size 16 to a size 18-20 and surprisingly the shopping choice drops off dramatically with that small difference. I still have the job and I still need to deal with those people.
I think the difference is I accept that the best way for me to feel better is to … well, feel better. And for me that means having a clear vision of what I want in my life and taking whatever steps I can to reach that goal.
I had a vision for this blog and I think I’d really like to carry it through. I want to create a free resource for women to gain some insight into what will and won’t work for them. The idea being, with just a little understanding of yourself and your shape shopping becomes easier and less stressful. This is a gift I’d like to give my readers.
So best get on with it hey!