One of the things that I’ve done is cut my hair. I always sort of picture myself, you know when I’m done transforming and am finally the svelte, well dressed, fabulously wealthy person living the high life I always planned to be, as someone with shorter hair. In my visualisation my hair is this cute halo of curls.
Since I’m wanting to actively make some changes, and buying clothes seems to be a non happening thing right now, I thought, ok cut my hair. So I did.
I hate it.
No wait, I love it. No wait, wait… I was right, I hate it. But then, in a certain light and if I don’t move my head in any way I kind of really, really love it. No, crap, my mirror at home must be defective because now I look tragic.
Ugh! What is going on?
And I seem to be so much more obsessed with my appearance. Not the whole weight thing so much any more, though I do still find myself eyeing my inordinately large breasts and shaking my head in resignation. I fuss with my hair a lot more. I check my makeup. I’m constantly adjusting my clothes and trying different ways of wearing things.
To sum up. I feel weird. Really uncomfortable. I feel like people are staring at me. And then I feel like they’re ignoring me. It’s so freaking strange.
I’m hoping that it’s just a question of change. I mean seriously, why did I ever think I could change something so fundamental as the way I look without feeling uncomfortable. I’m also really hoping it goes away soon. I want to be confident and happy and look in the mirror and go, whoa, that’s me. Yeah, that’d be fantastic.
On the plus side I’m totally loving blogging so much more. I feel like I’m being more myself which is just amazing.
Now if I could just get through the day without fussing with my damn hair…