Style Your Body Shape

I haven’t posted for a while because I’ve been in two minds as to whether to continue this blog or not.

Recently I’ve been reading lots of different stuff about body image. I struggle constantly with my own body image, and it tends to permeate every part of my life. When I step out of my comfort zone, and try something new and different, I feel uncomfortable, which, hello, the whole point. The problem is that when I’m uncomfortable I’m afraid and when I’m afraid my mind conjures thoughts and memories to try and get me to move away from what makes me uncomfortable. And those thoughts are always about my weight; the many diets I’ve tried and failed, how ugly I feel, how unacceptable and unlovable I think that makes me.

And then I find images that reinforce how ugly I am. I’m an overweight person and in this particular society that’s portrayed as a very bad thing and there are an infinite number of images and comments that reinforce that opinion.

Rethinking My Aim

I started this blog when I began learning how to dress to flatter my shape and I couldn’t believe how much difference it made to the way I felt about myself. I started because I was sick of waiting for nice clothes but it turns out to be one of the steps to overcoming eating disorders – go figure. Suddenly I was feeling sexy and beautiful for the first time in a very long time. Having finally found something I was passionate about I started this blog to share it with the world, hampered somewhat by the process of learning how to blog along the way. Unfortunately in researching this blog I’m soaking in thousands of images every day that reinforce premise only the thin are beautiful, only the thin deserve nice clothes and only the thin are acceptable. The gains toward self acceptance are constantly being undermined by my own reading.

One of the basic ideas of working with your body shape is to create the illusion of an hourglass – that figure being the ‘ideal’ feminine shape. As I learn more about overcoming body image issues I realize I’m selling the same fantasy; lose the excess weight and suddenly be happy and whole. Or, as is the focus of this blog, fake it. I don’t believe that though; being thin is not the root of all happiness. And quite frankly I’m starting to see beauty in shapes other than an hourglass.

Examining My Own Beliefs

But I still keep looking in the mirror and examining my ‘bits’ critically. I look at my beautiful daughter and ignore how wonderful and amazing she is in favor of focusing on her size as if that is the only thing that’s important. I have this ingrained habit of contrasting my body with other women’s bodies, and it always includes a critique of the other women, even if it is my 15 year old daughter. I feel so judgemental and I’m incredibly ashamed of that.

The really confusing thing is that I look in the mirror and I like what I see – well maybe not my thighs – but I’m pretty ok with me and the way I look. Right up until I actually leave the house. Or try something and fail. Then I failed because I’m fat. I’m single because I’m fat. What an excuse – it’s all powerful. The Wall Street crisis has hit because Lisa is fat.

Really it’s just a stick that I use to beat myself with. Because I’ve believed the message that I can change my body shape with diet and exercise and I believed all the other messages that said if I was fat I was ugly and it was my duty to rectify the situation. It’s no wonder I’ve spent so much time confused. On one hand I like the way I look, and on the other I believe the messages that it’s wrong to look this way.

Where Do I Go From Here

I don’t really know where I’m going from here. I know I have more to say, particularly on the twin issues of self esteem and body acceptance, although this is possibly not the right arena. I know I don’t want to keep looking at endless pictures of thin, toned young women in clothes I can never wear.

So … I’ll be making a few changes over the next few weeks. I look forward to finding out what they might be. If you have any suggestions they will be greatly appreciated.

LISA

I always used to think that if I was on one of those makeover shows, like Trinny & Susannah or “How To Look Good Naked” it would just transform my life. And perhaps it would have but somehow I doubt it. Having someone with flair and knowledge shop with me would undoubtedly have been a huge boost but I’m a person who likes to take things slow. You’ll never see me catching the first wave of technology, or jumping on a trend when it’s just a whisper. So I suspect if I’d ever been on one of those shows as soon as the cameras were gone I’ve been back in my sweat pants quicker than you can say “you look … ah, comfy?”.

One of the main catalysts for me in changing how I look has been a willingness to actively follow my dreams. For years and years I’ve had the same fantasies about how my life could be. You’ve probably got them too. They usually end with a wistful “…one day”. When I discovered the law of attraction and began applying it in my life some amazing things began to happen. Suddenly I was thinking about my dreams in terms of right now. How would it feel to have them happen right now? Pretty damn good was my first reaction followed closely by oh-my-god-what-am-I-wearing?

In my dreams I look fabulous – just like in the movies, with not a hair out of place, my makeup understated but flawless and not a hint of morning breath when I wake up next to Brad Pitt. I’m aware I have no chance of replicating anything in that fantasy but the reality of how I really looked just didn’t stack up at all. And the joy of the process with law of attraction is that the daydreams and visualizing spur you to action, to prepare you for having that dream come true and for me that’s meant revamping the way I look. Not hugely, but one wardrobe item at a time, and now I’m beginning to look like a women who just might fit into that dream. Not that I’m ever going to be Angelina Jolie, but I can be the makeover girl who looks fabulously stylish and just beams with happiness.

I love clothes, I always have, which rather makes a mockery of my extensive collection of frumpy sweat suits. For me the barrier has always been my size. I still struggle with being a size 16, looking at all the skinny girls and wishing that were me. I promised myself that when I lost weight I would buy nice clothes. I put the weight on when I had my son, the strapping six foot 16 year old, so I figure I’ve pretty much waited long enough. I still dream of suddenly shedding 30 pounds but I refuse to do it whilst looking, and feeling fat and ugly.

But can a good outfit take those feelings away? You bet it can! Absolutely. Just think of all those makeover shows where the woman is crying happy tears because she feels just great. If I can look in the mirror before I leave home and think, ok, not bad, my whole day is colored by it. It’s not that I focus on how I look, it’s that I completely forget it. I don’t think about what I’m wearing, and more importantly I don’t think about my big ass, or my wobbly middle or my honking great hooters. Instead I’m getting on with it, whatever it might be and when I catch a glimpse in a window instead of that sinking feeling now I think, wow, killer shoes. I love the boost of looking good but that feeling of acceptance I get from wearing clothes that fit and flatter my body shape is priceless.

For me working with my shape has been a way to take the emphasis off of my size and back onto how beautiful I am, right now, and that has transformed my life. I hope that it can have the same impact for you.

Good Shopping

LISA

Hi, my name is Lisa and welcome to my blog. My aim here is to focus on providing a resource for people who need information about what to wear to suit their body shape. There are a ton of books out there with lots of information about what to wear and some of the best I’ll review and you can buy right now from the resource page. These books and TV shows give a lot of good information but when you’re on your own its not quite that simple to put into practice. Which is why I wanted to put together a blog with all the practical information that’s available as well as the opportunity to discuss with others how it’s working out for us.

A LITTLE ABOUT ME

I’m a writer and researcher and recovering fat chick. I’d like to say that was because I’ve shed 30 pounds but I’m afraid that’s just wishful thinking on my part. It’s more like 10 pounds but it’s enough for me to start feeling better about myself and wanting to reflect that in what I wear. Whenever I daydream about myself I always see myself as being like Sophia Loren, all windswept and interesting and, of course, sexy as all get out. In reality I look more like John Travolta in Hairspray with lots of big hair and curves that are just this shy of being bulges. I decided that along with my 10 pounds I would ditch my frumpy wardrobe as well and take action toward that sexy, confident person I always picture myself as. Unlike in the past I decided the way to do that was not by dieting and exercising obsessively until I break down and inhale a packet of chocolate cookies in defense, but to dress as if I were an attractive, sexy woman right now.

The real problem in the past has been no idea what to buy. What looks good on me? What should I avoid? What will work with what I already have? I’ve always found clothes shopping to be enormously frustrating. Either the clothes were too small or they just had no … zing. So rather than heading off to the mall for another round of masochistic shopping I decided to do a little research first and make a plan. The added benefit being that with my new found knowledge I might just be able to provide a little help to other.

I hope you join me on this journey to a sexier, more stylish me.

Good shopping,

LISA